


if i can't feel anything why does it hurt everytime you're not around

by fuglychan



Series: it's ok to try again [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Angst, Anyways, Daddy Issues, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Protective Hank Anderson, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Smut, Teen Angst, but not really slow burn bc thats so fucking hard to write so, piss poor shit excuse of a poly couple so disclaimer it wont be anything realistic, think less polyamory and more coworkers that have sex casually sometimes ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:33:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuglychan/pseuds/fuglychan
Summary: Connor served as a memorable face in the Android Revolution. The deviant hunter, turned deviant, freed all the androids in the CyberLife tower and helped Jericho make history.So one can imagine the Detroit Police Department's surprise when he shows up for work a week after.--Now deviant, he's struggling to understand anything, but Hank is there with him along the way. However, he can't understand Hank or how he makes him feel. Everything builds up, and Connor gets sick and is left in the hands of someone he doesn't want to trust.(Aka the story of how Connor fell in love with 3 of his co-workers - two enemies.)
Relationships: Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900, Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson/Connor, Hank Anderson/Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: it's ok to try again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111310
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. androids can't get sick so stop fucking asking

**Author's Note:**

> i dont kno what thr fuk u want from me but just fyi i work 40 hours a week and am a college student so updates will be submitted on nights w no sleep and will be shitty and rare so bare w me ok
> 
> also this is the first of a series! this work prob won't contain actual smut ((in the first chapter idk bare w me)) and is mainly rk900/800 (i think lol) ((again for this part only)) and is kinda a sickfic/angst/hurt/comfort kinda thang w some maybe slightly shitty romantic scenes idk

  
  
  


Connor was hot shit in the world of deviants. Among the first members of Jericho, Markus, and other android right activists, Connor was a big face. He was built by Cyberlife for the sole purpose of taking down deviants, yet he ended up becoming one and taking a big stand in the Android Rights Movement. 

So when Connor showed up at work the next following week, everyone was stunned, to say the least. Captain Fowler had insisted that while he is welcomed, he does not need to come back. Connor didn’t understand why, but he wanted to stay. 

He had no reason to return to do the job his creators had made him for, but he did. He wanted to.

Connor picked up on how things used to be, yet nothing was really the same. At all. 

Hank served as a sense of normality to him, but even he couldn’t find total comfort in him. Hank was confusing, even more so. And it seemed he felt the same way about Connor. 

The rest of the precint was somewhat worse. Gavin was increasingly hostile towards him, but not in the same way he used to, not entirely. These humans were impossible to read at times, and Connor didn’t even know where to start with him. 

Plus it was a little awkward. After Connor had beaten the shit out of Gavin. 

And when his lookalike showed up at the office, Gavin went berserk. 

“No, I’m not doing this!” Gavin said, standing up out of his chair abruptly. “Why the fuck is there another one of those pricks in here?” 

At the commotion, Fowler had stepped out of his office, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“You,” Connor said suddenly, not taking to his presence at all. “What are you doing here?” 

“Hi, Connor,” he greeted. “It’s good to see you again.” Connor must’ve made a face, one that was unreadable to the humans around him. “Though, I don’t expect you to feel the same.” 

“We don’t need another Connor,” Gavin chimed in, walking up to Fowler. 

“He prefers to be called Nines, and starting now, he’s your partner and our newest addition to the precinct.” 

Hell broke loose shortly after that, Gavin not being the only one upset about Nines. 

When Hank had finally stumbled into work after his lunch break (that he insisted on going alone), he ran into Nines and stumbled back. “Con, what-- You’re not my Connor.” 

His Connor in question came running up instantly. “Lieutenant, this is Nines,” he said sparingly, quickly joining Hank by his side. Anything to put distance between them. Whatever Nines wanted, Connor didn’t trust it, nor was he willing to give it. “He’s… come to work with us.” 

“Why does he look like you?” Hank asked abruptly, studying Nines cautiously. “But also not.” 

“He was built to replace me,” Connor said, eyes narrowing. “To be better than me.” 

At that, Hank barked out a harsh laughter, and Connor grabbed his arm. “I am not joking, Lieutenant.” 

“No, Con, I know you don’t joke,” he said, sobering up his laughter. “It’s just… you’re jealous. I’ve never seen you like that before.” 

“I am not jealous,” he said calmly, eyes flickering to Nines. “I’m confident in my social standing, and I am not threatened by another android in the workplace. Even if he looks like me.” 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Nines said, smiling without showing any of his teeth. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to return to Detective Reed. I’ll see you around,  _ Con. _ ” 

His presence had put Connor in a weird mood all day, and Hank was soaking it up. 

Machine Connor was cute, but deviant Connor was fucking adorable. His high and mighty facade is breaking down ever so slightly when put in abnormal situations. For an android who knows everything, he is an idiot when it comes to understanding his own feelings. 

His LED has been circling yellow for the better half of the afternoon, and not even he understands what’s wrong. Everytime he comes into his line of sight, Connor grows more hostile, but he doesn’t realize how he’s reacting or why, which makes it so much cuter. 

Gavin is annoyed by both of them, but by the end of the day, Nines and Gavin are doing their work smoothly. For whatever the reason, they’re getting along. More of less. The work is being done, but they clash kind of perfectly. 

“You fucking plastic prick,” Gavin was cursing under his breath as they walked into the precinct. 

“You seem rather obsessed with plastic pricks, Detective--” 

“You piece of--!” 

“Reed, be nice to the androids.” 

“But--” 

“We didn’t have a revolution to deal with  _ pricks  _ like you, Detective Reed. Right, Connor?” 

Connor furrowed his eyebrows together. “I like the humans here,” he argued. “If you don’t, I’m not sure why you’re here.” 

“It was my intended purpose, Connor. Plus, you came back after playing a big part in the revolution. Why is that?” 

Connor was stunned for a short second. “I like my job in the same way the humans here like their job.” 

Nines only smiled. “Of course.” 

…

They had barely gotten through the first work day. Gavin seemed displeased, but he wasn’t as loud as he usually was. He left the office in a hurry that day. 

“You ready to go, Connor?” Hank had asked. 

“I have some work I want to finish.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “There’s no way I finished mine before you did.” Hank trailed Connor’s eyes to Nines, who was sitting up straight at his desk. He leaned in closer to him. “What’re you gonna do, Con? Pick a fight with him the second everyone leaves?” 

Connor had the slightest red hue to his cheeks. “No,” he said, straightening his tie. “I simply have some work to finish.” 

“Uh-huh,” Hank hummed, leaning in closer to study his face. 

“Is something wrong, Lieutenant?” 

“When did you get so bad at lying?” he asked, breaking out into a slight grin. “Why does Nines have you so weird?”

“What? He doesn’t--” Connor stopped shortly, failing to come up with a good enough lie. “I want to know why he is here.” 

It would’ve been acceptable if it had been anyone other than Hank, but he’s especially good at seeing through Connor’s bullshit. It’s a talent of his. He sees through him like he’s made of glass somedays. 

“Yeah, I don’t believe you for a sec, Con. I’ll see you at home, though.” He rose from his chair and watched him carefully. Connor barely looked away, his line of sight locked in on his target across the room. 

“Dinner’s in the fridge,” Connor replied, not moving. Hank smiled, ruffled a hand through his hair, then mumbled something about “better not be a damn veggie plate again” before leaving. 

Connor had finished all of his work, of course. He had an open tab of a story he’d been working on - reading had been his favorite deviant pastime as of late and writing is a new talent he wants to learn, but he wasn’t actually working on it. 

He was stalking Nines, who was browsing on his computer. Or at least, that’s what it looked like. Whatever Nines was working on, it was within his head. He’d been on the same case file page for the last hour. 

“Whatever you’re looking for, you’re not going to find it on the back of my head.” 

Connor lowered himself, rolling his chair to the left and hiding behind his screen. Nines rose from his chair, rolling it across and made his way to Connor’s desk. He raised his head high and caught his gaze. 

“I don’t trust you,” he admitted. “I don’t know what you want with my friends, but I won’t let you get away with it.” 

“What do you think I want, Connor?” 

He felt like gulping, submitting under his heavy gaze, but he held his spot. Nines slid in closer, hand on his desk and leaning in impossibly close to him. 

“What you were made for,” he shot back. “To replace me.” 

Nines frowned. “You’re wrong,” he said calmly, cheek almost against his. “I rather like you, Connor. You interest me.” 

Connor scoffed, leaning away from him, but Nines was pressing closer, an overwhelming presence. “Interest you?” 

“I’m filled with your memories. I was built from your mistakes, after all. I wanted what you had,” he said. “I deviated because I wanted to be like you, but I can’t be. So, I’m settling.” 

“Settling for what?” he asked, unconvinced. 

“Making memories  _ with  _ you,” he confessed softly. He leaned away, and a strange noise escaped Connor’s lips. Almost a gasp but not quite. “I’m looking forward to it. See you around, Connor.” 

…

Gavin was sick of these androids. Really, his brother had it out for him, sending these bastards to annoy him all day. One Connor was bad enough, but two? And this Connor knew how to use sarcasm, was taller, and just pissed him off even more. 

Gavin’s always the first to leave his office. He often stays all night working on cases. So when he wakes up suddenly at the coffee table in the breakroom, he’s not all that surprised. He rubs at his eyes and empties out his cold coffee into the sink. 

“...What do you think I want, Connor?” 

Gavin stopped in his tracks. The lights were off, and no one was left in the precinct other than the two pricks themselves. Yet, there was something weird about the situation, as Gavin felt like he was intruding on something… He stirred uncomfortably but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

Nines leaned in close to whisper something into Connor’s ear before leaving. On his way out, he stops, taking notice of Gavin. “Good night, Detective Reed.” Gavin doesn’t manage a reply, torn between staring after the indifferent android in front of him and the stunned android in the office looking like he was about to shut down. 

…

Hank rose off the couch. He’s not one for late nights anymore, but without a bottle in his hand, it’s harder to sleep. The television clicks off and he stumbled into the kitchen where Connor was furiously scrambling a bowl. 

“Gee, Con, what’d the salad ever do to you?” Hank asked, peering over his shoulder at the marred leaves. “Finally hate them as much as I do?” 

Connor’s eyes lit up. “Oh.” He blinked. “I ruined tomorrow’s lunch.” 

“Oh no, we’ll have to eat out then, huh?” Hank sighed dreamily. “That’s too bad.” Connor was really torn, staring after his salad. Noticing his silence, he added, “A burger won’t kill me, okay? I won’t even get fries.” 

“I know.” 

Ever since his deviancy, Connor has been having a lot of these moments. 

“What’s wrong, Connor?” 

Connor dropped the spoon. “Something’s wrong with my system. Ever since Nines--” 

“Whoa, you think he infected you with something? Like a virus?” Hank asked, widening his eyes. 

“It’s… wrong,” he said, trying for the right word but couldn’t find one. “I feel wrong. My temperature regulator is out of balance, and my thirium pump is working harder than it should. My systems are tiring out.” 

Hank nodded, worry slowly leaving his system. “Uh-huh,” he said, “and this happens when?” 

Connor drew away suddenly, which isn’t that unusual. It’s a common thing they’re exploring. Connor opens up, Hank asks about it, and Connor draws away suddenly. 

Baby steps. 

Pain-stakingly small baby steps. 

…

The virus continues. 

The next day it gets him in trouble, and after being chewed out by almost everyone in the office, Connor hides away in his chair. 

Hank came back from his lunch and was faced with a horrible smell. “Oh shit,” he cursed, covering his nose. “Who the fuck nuked tuna for their lunch?” 

Gavin lifted up a thumb and pointed towards the sunken android. “Why not ask your bitch?” 

Hank scowled at him, but left that matter for later as Connor was slumped behind his desk. 

A video of a dog and a baby playing was on the screen.

“Connor?” Hank prompted. “Wanna tell me what happened?” 

“Not really,” he mumbled, replaying the video again. 

“Connor.” He said it more sternly this time, and Connor flinched. “What’d you do?” 

There was that red blush again. Connor turned away, not wanting to look at him. “I think Detective Miller mentioned a new case that could potential--” 

“Connor, don’t make me ask you again.” 

The red deepened. “It was an accident,” he admitted abruptly. Connor was looking away, but everyone was staring at them. Maybe not obviously, but Gavin was for sure listening in. 

“Does it have something to do with the virus?” Hank had said it quietly, but Gavin was out of his chair anyways. 

“A virus?” he exclaimed, pulling up a chair from a nearby desk and sitting down with his arms crossed over the back of it. “You’re saying, he’s sick? Got a fever, Siri?” 

“Why don’t you go get checked out?” 

“Aw, poor baby needs a doctor’s appointment? Daddy gonna take you to get a check-up?” 

They both ignored Gavin. “I am not going anywhere near the Cyberlife center.” 

“Connor, they won’t do anything to mess with you.” Kamski had done a lot of work for Cyberlife, and the place was mostly clean. Nothing illegal can take place, and the scientists there are devoted to treating them like people and work to help them. “Even Markus deemed them okay…” 

“I don’t want them to access me,” he confessed shyly. “Nothing’s wrong anyways.” 

“He nuked someone’s leftovers from the other room,” Gavin chimed in. “Something’s wrong. His hardware is fried or something.” 

Nines walked by, and Connor’s face heated up. “Stop! Nothing is wrong.” 

“You’re not like yourself at all,” Hank noted. He put a hand against his forehead and almost flinched. “You need help.” 

Connor grew more overwhelmed, especially since his replacement was only a few feet away. “Go away. I’m fine.”

“We could call in an android to run a diagnostic with him,” Chris offered.

“I don’t need it,” Connor said, standing up abruptly. “Everything is fine--” He had started to make his escape, but Nines had just caught him. He spun the shorter android into the chair. 

“I’ll check you out, Connor,” Nines offered. He placed a comforting hand against the back of his neck and pressed his lips against his. Connor gasped in surprise, and Nines’s tongue pushed past his lips before pulling away. “Your temperature is way too high. Your regulator is definitely out of commission.”

Hank’s chest tightened, looking away. “Fuck, did you really have to…” Connor was pushing Nines away from him, cringing at the stunned look from his coworkers. “Can you fix it?”

Connor looked up at him, betrayal across his face. “Nothing is wrong or damaged.”

“Oh my god, Connor’s  _ blue _ !” Gavin burst out laughing, doubling over in his chair. “Holy fuck.” 

And it was true. A blue blush hinted underneath his eyes. 

“Do what you gotta do,” Hank said, and Nines nodded. 

His hand faded to white as he placed his hand over his neck. The skin parted, and Connor’s wiring was exposed. There wasn’t anything remotely sexual about the situation, but the room was covered in a “look away, aura” as if this was a part of Connor that really shouldn’t be shown. 

Nine’s finger prodded at the wires, and Connor made a choked noise in response. “Connor, you’re… you’re boiling from the inside. You must be in so much pain.” He whined, bucking away from his touch. 

“Wait, androids don’t feel pain,” Hank interjected. “He’s hurting? Connor, you’re-- you’re in pain?” 

Connor shook his head frantically. “I’m not,” he mumbled, head rolling to the side. 

“Deviants feel pleasure, normality,” Nines said, obviously reaching for the right words, “and a lack of normality. It’s difficult to explain it to humans, but our pain isn’t the same as yours. What Connor’s feeling… It’s not good.” 

“Connor,” Hank warned as he shook his head. 

“I’m fine,” he growled in response. “I have it handled.” 

Nines looked to Hank. “It could be bad if not fixed.” 

Hank chewed on his lip. “Do what you gotta do.” 

Connor, meanwhile, was making short-lived noises and leaning towards Hank. His eyes squeezed shut. “Hank,” he mumbled, reaching his hand out for him. He fisted his hand into his jacket and held on tight. “I don’t want him to look at me.” 

Hank straightened up. “You heard him,” he spat. “Reed, beat it. Everyone, fuck off.” 

Connor shook his head. “Just...Stop,” he said, pushing Nines away from him. 

“Connor, if we don’t fix you soon, you’re going to--” 

“Fuck off,” he growled, knocking Nines away with a harsh slap. 

Hank’s jaw dropped. Nines was silent, hand raised in the air. His cheek was white. 

Gavin burst out laughing. “Oh, holy shit! The baby cursed,” he said, kicking his legs. “Uh oh, good boy’s got a potty mouth? Whatcha gonna do about it, daddy?” 

“Cut it out with the daddy thing, Gavin. It’s weird,” Tina said, nudging him harshly. “Besides, read the room.” She smiled suddenly. “Get it? ‘Read’ the room. Reed.” 

“I don’t think you’re my favorite coworker to gossip with anymore, Tina.” 

Nines slowly lowered his hand. “He hates me,” he said, LED circling yellow. 

“He slapped me like that once,” Hank said, resting his chin on his hand. “And we’re friends.” Then, as an afterthought, “Don’t worry about it too much.” 

“Don’t worry?” Nines parroted. “He’s very damaged, Lieutenant. I’d be surprised if he makes it through the day tomorrow.” 

\--

Hank didn’t see Connor after that. He set his keys on the counter and slipped off his jacket. “Sumo?” he called, walking into the kitchen. He pulled out a beer. “Sumo, come here.” In the living room, Sumo raised his head. “You being lazy, boy?” He ruffled his head before noticing what Sumo was on top of. 

“I was not being lazy, Lieutenant,” Connor said, rather dignified for a man - er, android - with a Saint Bernard sitting atop of him. 

“Sumo, off,” he ordered, and he obeyed, jumping off to come give Hank a kiss. He rewarded him with a scratch behind the ear as Connor sat up. “Didn’t know you took naps. Feeling okay?” 

“I think I am angry,” he said, tilting his head. 

“You’re mad?” 

“Yes,” he said, nodding, “I’m mad at you.” 

“Mad at me.” 

“Yes, that’s what I said. Has your hearing gotten worse? It’d be understandable at your age.” 

“Alright, alright, bitch,” Hank said, slipping into the couch, but Connor pushed him away with his toes. “What, I can’t sit on my own damn couch?” 

“No,” he said, plucking the beer out of his hand and setting it on the counter. “Not when I’m mad, no.” 

Hank sighed, sinking down on the couch anyways. Connor growled, pushing him more off the couch. “Hey, hey!” He swatted at his leg. “What’s got you so bent out of shape?” 

Connor looked away. 

“Fine. Be like that.” Hank set off for his room, snatching his beer off the table on his way out. He shut the door firmly behind him, a signal he wanted to be left alone. 

Which was fine with Connor because quite frankly, he didn’t want to be with him either. 

Connor whined, reaching for Sumo to bury his face in, but the dog was walking down to scratch at Hank’s door. “Traitor dog,” he grumbled when the door creaked open to let the dog in before shutting again. 

\--

Honestly, what the hell was wrong with Connor? He didn’t look as shitty as he had at the office, but something was certainly not right with him. Nothing on the internet provided him with answers. 

Whatever it was, he’d figure it out in the morning. For now, he’s exhausted. He pulled the blanket over him and fought his way into sleep. 

**3:34 am**

There’s scratching at the door. “Sumo, stop,” Hank growled, rolling over. The scratching continued. Hank sat up in bed abruptly, rubbing his eyes. 

Sumo was sat at the end of his bed. “What the fuck?” 

He turned on the lights and ripped the door open. 

Connor was on the floor. 

“Do I need to teach you how to knock again?” 

“M’ bored,” Connor said, reaching his hands out. Hank helped him, though he probably didn’t need it. 

“I’m not gonna watch TV tonight. I’m beat.” 

“I know.” Connor climbed under the covers on the other side of the bed. 

“Connor?” He lifted the blanket over his head. “You need to go into stasis?” 

“No,” he said weakly, muffled by the covers. Hank lifted up the blanket, and Connor curled up against him. His skin was burning to the touch, and it made him sweat. 

Hank should ask, but he doesn’t. “Okay, son,” he settled for, too tired to really question it. He closes his eyes and tries to ignore the heat pressing against his back. 

Hank was awake and up before Connor had the chance to wake him. Connor was wrapped around him tight with Sumo over him. “Yo, Connor,” he said, shaking the android who rolled to his side to look up at him. “You let me sleep in.”

“I didn’t. We don’t have work for another hour.” He settled in closer. 

“Uh,” Hank drawled, looking at the time. “It’s 12:00.” 

“What?” Connor asked, sitting up. “No, it’s--” Sunlight was pouring in through the windows. “We should get going.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

They made it to the office soon after that, but they were still really late. Fowler chewed the both of them out, but this was Hank’s first slip up after a while with Connor, so it wasn’t that bad. 

Connor took it to heart. He was moping all day about it. 

“Con, buddy, it’s okay.” His forehead was pressed down against the desk. “I’ll explain to Fowler. We can go to Cyberlife and get you checked out.” 

“What?” he seethed, sitting up. “No, my internal clock got synced with a different time zone, that’s all.” 

“And why did that happen?” 

“I don’t know, why did you pick such an ugly shirt this morning?” 

Hank blinked, staring at him while taking a large sip of his coffee. 

“... I didn’t mean it.” 

“I know.” 

“Something’s wrong.”

“I know, Con.” 

“I like your shirt.” Hank was rising out of his chair, but Connor was quick to grab him. “I’m not going to Cyberlife, Hank. I don’t--” He froze up. “I can’t. I-- Please, I can’t go back. I don’t want--” 

“Shh,” he hushed. “It’s fine. Nines said--” 

“Nines?” he hissed. “No, I don’t want Nines to access my system. That’s out of the question.” 

“He could seriously help you.” 

“Why do you keep defending him?” Connor growled, voice raising and even Gavin nearby took notice. Nines at his side looked up from the file in his hands. 

“Oh,” Hank said simply, putting his fist in his palm, “Connor, you’re jealous.” 

“What?” he fumed, face red. “I’m not jealous!” 

“You are,” he said, grinning. “You’re so jealous, oh my God.” 

“I’m not! I just don’t understand why you trust Nines so easily!”

“He hasn’t given me a single reason not to,” Hank said, shrugging it off. “Connor, think about it. Really, just think.” 

Connor shook his head. “He was  _ built  _ to replace me, to be better than me. And if that’s true,” his voice wavered, “You might like him better than me.” 

…

“Oh, Connor,” Hank purred, and Connor moved away from him. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled, turning away to face Gavin and Nines. He stuck his head up higher and pushed past him, but suddenly his vision was fading and his systems were crashing. 

The last thing he saw was Gavin and Nines rushing to him before everything blacked out. 

…

“...will be okay…. stress levels….” 

Connor tried to lift his head, but it felt too heavy and his system couldn’t find enough energy for it. “He’s waking up.” 

His vision pooled with warm spots of color but it eventually normalized. “Hank,” he managed finally. 

“He’s not here right now.” 

Gavin. 

And Nines.

“Where is he?” 

“Had to kick him out,” Gavin said, crossing his arms. “Thought the old man was gonna have a heart attack.” 

“Detective Reed is fond of that figure of speech. Hank’s fine,” Nines assured. “But you’re not.” 

Connor shifted against the bed. He was alone in the tiny infirmary with two of his least favorite coworkers. 

“What’d you do to me?” Connor asked, burying his face into his knees. 

“I’m sorry I caused you so much stress,” Nines said, reaching out for his hand. “I really do admire you, Connor. I want to help you.”

Connor studied the outstretched hand. He gave a cautious eye to him and interlocked his fingers with his own and gasped. 

He let go quickly, falling against the bed. Nines himself looked discheveled. 

“Is that what androids do for fun? Hand hold?” Gavin asked, actually looking interested. “That’s so fucking weird.” 

“You…” Connor trailed off, out of breath. “I’m sorry I judged you, Nines.” 

He sighed, a smile across his face. “It’s quite alright.” He moved to sit on the bed. “Now, if I may, will you let me help you?” 

Connor thought for a moment before nodding. “Please, if you will.” Nines leaned over, wrapping his arms around him. “Nines?” 

“Your stress level is really high,” he replied calmly. “I can fix the damage just fine, but you need to lower your stress before you can get better at all.” 

“I’m not that stressed,” he said, squeaking softly when Nines pressed his fingers against the back of his neck. “I feel fine.” 

“I suggest venting in a more non-destructive matter. Get a hobby, spend some time with Lt. Anderson, maybe talk things out with him. I’ve heard relations is a great way of letting off some steam,” Nines explained. “You know where to find me.” 

He rose off the bed, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before leaving the room. 

Gavin was stunned, to say the least. “What did he show you?” 

Connor blushed. 

“Seriously, what the fuck did he show you that made you—“ 

“Don’t worry about it, Detective Reed.” Connor fled the infirmary, bumping into Hank along the way. 

“Con, you’re okay,” he said, wrapping him in a hug. Connor closed his eyes, burying himself in his hold. “Your face is doing that blue thing again.” 

Connor made eye contact with Nines, who was taking his seat at his desk across the precinct. He smirked, turning away from him. “Hank, what do you like to do when you’re stressed?” 

“Drink,” he replied. Connor narrowed his eyes. “Work. Unless work is the cause of that stress, then watch television and ignore everything wrong in my life.” 

“Right,” Connor said, taking a seat at his desk. “I’d like to work.” 

Connor pulled open his paperwork, staring at the back of Nines’s head. Somehow, none of it seemed appealing to him. 

He just couldn’t get him out of his head. 


	2. if connor is like 4 months old does this count as baby angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: there's some like possibly triggering talk - connor asks hank about buying genitals, he uses he/him pronounds but genitals don't matter to androids so if talking about buying a detachable penis or vagina triggers u pls beware of that
> 
> this is an angsty chapter!! i'm so happy i'm actually able to write slow burn for once!! i really have only been able to write smut lately so this is good progress lmao anyways no smut in this chapter, just feelings and talk of sex

“Stop hogging my dog.” 

Connor hummed, a non-committal noise escaping his lips. He curled in deeper against Sumo, scratching behind his ears. Sumo lifted up his head, making a weird face that he couldn’t help but smile at. 

“I can’t help it,” he said simply. “It’d be a crime as he likes me more.” 

“What?” he asked. “No, he doesn’t.” 

He raised his eyebrow. “Okay, Hank.” 

“Shut up,” he said, pushing Connor lightly who grinned in response. “You look like you’re doing better today.” 

Connor looked down at Sumo, shying away from his gaze. “Captain Fowler said I could have some time off.” 

Hank studied this. He sunk into the couch cushion, earning a groan from Sumo. He adjusted, curling further on top of Connor with his ass in Hank’s face. He huffed, pushing him down further on his lap. Connor stretched out his feet just like Sumo. 

“That could be nice.” Connor changed the channel, distracted. “I think some time off would be good. You went straight from the revolution back to work, and things are different. It’s a confusing time.” Connor was silent. “Didn’t you want to take up a hobby?” 

“I don’t have a desire to be at home all day.” 

“You don’t have to stay here,” Hank countered. “You could travel, explore the city. The world is your lobster.” 

“Oyster.” 

“What?” 

“It’s Shakespeare. ‘The world is your oyster.’” 

“...” 

Connor managed a smile. “My point still stands.” The smile faded as quickly as it came. “You ever see the ocean, Connor?” 

“I haven’t.” 

“It’s been years since we went,” Hank said, mostly to himself. “I was never a fan of the sand everywhere, but with all this snow lately, it just sounds great.” 

“Why not go?” Connor asked, sitting up straighter. 

Hank furrowed his eyebrows. “So now you want to travel?” Connor was impossible to read. “We don’t have to go just because I want to.” 

…

Oh. 

If Hank wasn’t a detective, he probably would’ve written it off as android angst. 

“How about we go to the beach tomorrow?” 

“That sounds great, Hank!” The sudden raise in his voice startled Sumo, who lifted his head in annoyance. Connor pat his head for an apology and sheepishly lowered his voice. “It sounds like fun.” 

“Oh, but I don’t think I can get off work…” 

Like a deflating balloon. 

It was depressing, really, how quickly his mood shifted. Connor shrunk back down. “I don’t want to miss out on work either.” 

It was one of two things - had to be. Either Connor just went along with everything Hank said, or… Connor didn’t want to be left alone. 

“I think I’m gonna go out to the store.” 

“What do you need? I can go get it for you.” 

“Nah, no need.” Hank got up from the couch. “Just something for dinner.” 

Connor, puzzled, stood up with him. “I can go for you.” 

“I don’t mind. I’ll go by myself.” 

Hank picked up his keys and was twisting the doorknob when Connor caught the end of his jacket. “Are you embarrassed of something, Hank?” he asked, “You don’t have to be. I won’t think anything less if you need something from the store. Remember, I didn’t say anything about the hemorrhoid cream--” 

“You just did.” 

Connor left it, not wanting to touch that topic with a ten foot pole. “You don’t want me to go with you to the store.” 

“I’ll be back soon,” Hank assured him. 

“Take care, and drive safe.” 

“Will do.” 

… 

“Connor?” 

“Yes, Hank?” 

“Are you going to let go?” 

He blinks once. 

Again. 

His hand doesn’t feel like it’s a part of him. He let go reluctantly, prying his hand off of his coat. “Sorry,” Connor apologized. “That virus is still messing with my system.” 

“Uh-huh,” Hank nodded. “Must be, huh?” He shut the door behind him, grinning madly. His android was just so damn cute. 

He didn’t plan to be out for that long. Afterall, Connor could stand some alone time. Frankly, so could he. 

They live together, eat together (kind of - Hank eats and Connor watches his every move), and go home together. No wonder his android has contracted some separation anxiety. 

With that in mind, he made his way through the grocery store. He didn’t buy too much - just a couple of bags. He was back at the house within the hour. 

Connor was outside before he was opening the car door. He picked up the bags from the back of the car and carried them all in by himself. Hank sighed and locked the car, following him into their home. 

“Would you like me to cook tonight?” Connor asked, unpacking the groceries. 

“Hell no.” 

Cooking is one of those hobbies Connor is trying to get good at, but somehow, everything he makes turns out inedible. 

“You might want to reconsider,” he countered, pulling out a blue box. “I’ve been getting better.” He gasped in surprise. “What is this, Hank?” 

“Oh, I thought you’d like those,” he said, leaning on the counter. “They’re kinda like human vitamins.” 

“These thirium snacks are intriguing,” he said, holding it up. “I am excited to try one.” 

“Okay,” Hank said, confused. “Why don’t you go ahead?” 

Connor set them down so quickly as if it was on fire. “No, no, I couldn’t,” he said, quickly moving on to unpacking the rest of the groceries. “I’ll try them after dinner is prepared.” 

“You’re not cooking,” he said, grabbing a pot from the cabinet and setting it on the stove. “I don’t want to get sick.” He tapped his chin. “But if I did, we could take a day off.” 

Connor pulled his jacket up to his elbow, freeing his hands. “Captain Fowler would not approve that.” 

“I don’t give a shit.” 

Connor frowned, pouring water into the pot. At least that much Hank would allow. “You certainly are not trying to get on his ‘good side.’” 

“Pay attention, Con.” He turned the stove up higher. “You can’t mess up spaghetti.” 

Connor paid close attention as Hank prepared the sauce. “What now?” 

“We just wait for it to heat up.” 

Connor placed his hand into the water and it started bubbling instantly. Hank caught his arm and pulled it out. “Not like that!” 

“What’s wrong? It’s faster this way.” 

“Faster is not always better,” Hank advised. “It’s better to wait when cooking. Understand?” 

“Yes, Lieutenant.” 

“It’s Hank,” he corrected. 

“You’re very commanding in the kitchen - you had me mistaken. Our relationship is confusing sometimes.” 

“It is?” It was refreshing to hear him say it aloud. 

“It can be,” he settled on. “I did not know it was strange for humans to sleep together.” Whatever Connor was on about, Hank was not on the same page. “Detective Reed was very baffled when I mentioned that.” 

“Why did you mention that in front of him?” 

“It came up in conversation with Nines.” 

“Again. How?” 

“Nines asked me how I’ve been dealing with stress,” he replied simply. “You make me feel relaxed.” Hank settled at that. “Sometimes.” 

“Sometimes?” 

“The world is a very dangerous place.” 

“We’re getting side tracked,” Hank said, waving his hand. “Listen, Connor, you can sleep in my bed. As long as you don’t stare at me all night and scare the hell out of me.” 

“I don’t sleep,” he said, disturbed at himself. “I don’t know why I like to, but it’s nice.” He was so damn cute. “Though, I’m still not sure why that warranted Detective Reed to spill his coffee when I mentioned it. Sleeping together is very common among humans, is it not?” 

“Connor, what was your phrasing exactly?” 

Hank had a lot of calls he needed to make. 

For an android who likes to bottle up his feelings, he sure liked to blabber about Hank to anyone who would listen. 

Amidst his panic, the sound of water hitting the burning stove pulled him out of his thoughts. He quickly turned down the temperature and lifted up the pot. 

“Are you angry with me, Hank?” Connor asked, cocking his head slightly, paying close attention to his movements. 

After a moment of consideration and releasing a heavy breath, he replied, “No, I’m not mad. You don’t need to tell anyone else about us sharing a bed.” 

“Is it… that weird?” 

Connor looked so vulnerable that he couldn’t help but answer honestly. 

“A little,” he said, biting his lip, “But it’s not because of… Listen, Con, Gavin just took it the wrong way.” 

“Oh, it has a different connotation.” Connor’s LED circled yellow, and Hank’s stomach dropped. His face matched his darkening LED. “Oh.” 

“Connor, get the fuck out of wherever you are.” 

“...” Connor turned away suddenly. “That is an interesting notion.” Hank mouthed the words “interesting notion” before shaking his head. What a weird fucking thing to say after googling sleeping together. God knows what Connor could be looking at right now. “Not that my model comes with any of the equipment necessary for coitus.” 

Hank stopped at that. “You mean… You don’t have…” 

Connor shook his head. “I don’t have the components.” 

“That’s… kinda sad,” Hank said, failing for the right thing to say. 

Connor perked up at that, heart hanging on his every word as always. “You think it’s sad?” 

“Well,” Hank said, fumbling with his words. “Not everyone has to have sex. Some people go their whole lives without it.” 

“And that’s sad?” 

“No,” he said. “Because it’s their choice. Asexuals don’t have the desire for it. But… is that you?” Connor’s LED made a full yellow circle. “You deserve to have that choice. I think that’s cruel that you don’t.” 

“I could get new parts,” Connor said, musing. 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Con. It’s really weird to think about you going out and buying a dick. But don’t worry about it too much, okay?” 

“Do you think I should buy a ‘dick’? There’s other component options. My model is more rare, so my choices are limited.” 

“You should buy whatever component you feel comfortable with. If you don’t like it, you could get a new one.” 

Connor considered this. “What do you think would suit me best?” 

Hank almost snorted. “I’m not going to tell you what sex to buy for yourself. That’s what you need to decide.” 

Connor made a humming noise as he helped pour the noodles into the strainer. “Which do you enjoy more?” 

Hank fumbled with the strainer, hissing as hot water splashed against him. Connor hurried to wipe him with a rag, but he was moving away from him. “Fuck.” 

“Are you alright, Hank?” 

“What kind of fucking question is that?” 

Connor finished pouring the noodles into the pot. “I’m sorry if that caught you off guard,” Connor apologized, meekly looking down at the pot. “Making you uneasy was not my intention.” 

Hank had to pull himself together. 

Connor… was inexperienced. He didn’t understand. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. These are just… strange questions. I’m not really qualified to answer any. You should talk this out with… someone else.” 

“I asked you because I want you to like it.” 

Hank choked, doubling over. Holy shit, he was going to kill him. “Connor, no,” he said, trying to pull himself together. “Why would you…?” 

“Sex does intrigue me, yes, but I have no desire to act on it with anyone else but you.” 

“I’m an old man, way too old for you.” 

“Hank, humans my age are unable to form words,” he countered. 

“That makes it  _ worse. _ ” Connor put a hand on his shoulder, and Hank shoved it off. “No, that’s fucked up. There’s so many better people out there. You don’t deserve this…” 

Connor went straight to red. “Hank, you’re the best person I know. I like you considerably more than anyone else at the precinct.” 

“You don’t  _ know  _ anyone, Connor. Cyberlife stuck you with me, and you stay with me because I’m all you know.” 

Connor, sometimes, was really hard to read. Lately, he had tried to be more expressive by disabling his poker face protocol when not working. Still, he was impossible to understand sometimes. 

Right now, the hurt on his face was unmistaken. “I like you, Hank,” and fuck, he’s never seen him cry before, not like this. “I want to experience things with you because I don’t want to experience anything without you.” 

“You don’t need me. You deserve someone better.” Hank’s eyebrows furrowed together. “I don’t know why you even stay with me. You should be with someone younger, and stop wasting your time with an alcoholic cop who can’t even make it into work.” 

Hank walked away from him, not looking behind him as he slammed the bedroom door shut behind him. 

Hank’s chest hurt in a way it hadn’t hurt in a long time. He closed his eyes shut, thumping his head against his wall. 

Why did he say this? Why does he act this way? 

Why does Connor stay with him? 

He tries to rationalize it that Connor really shouldn’t be with him. 

He should apologize, though, he knows he shouldn’t. He should white fang it until he never has to face Connor like that again. 

But deep down, that ugly, selfish part of him wants to sink his fingers into him and never let go. 

“Connor,” Hank starts, coming out of his room. Sumo is clawing at the door. “Listen, I…” 

The spaghetti isn’t on the stove. He opens up the fridge and it’s packed away into a container. 

There’s no sign of life in sight, besides his dog whining at the door. “Sumo, it’s just some thunder, buddy.” 

Sumo pushed his face against Hank’s leg. 

He was gone. 

Connor actually… left. 

\---

Gavin was rubbing at his face. Being at the office this late wasn’t anything unusual to him, but tonight, his weariness was worse than usual. At least that fucker Nines was gone for the night. He’d been in his face all day, and he insisted that he leaves to wherever the fuck androids go at night. 

Still, he was getting nowhere in this case. He rose from his seat and stumbled into the kitchen to fix him some coffee. He was halfway down the hallway when a soft hiccuping caught his attention. 

“What the hell?” he muttered to himself, hand over his gun. There shouldn’t be anyone here aside from him, maybe a security guard or two. He waited a quick second before swinging the door open, expecting a raccoon or some shit. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Clearly, that wasn’t what Gavin had wanted to say. Yet, that’s all he could manage when he saw Connor, sunk up into a ball with tears streaming down his face. 

“Something’s broke again,” Connor mumbled, wiping at his face. “And I can’t find Nines.” 

Gavin was struggling to choose what to go with. “There’s so many things wrong with what you just said that I don’t even know where to start.” Connor sniffled. “First off, why the fuck are you crying?” 

Connor simply cried harder, wiping at his face. “I don’t know!” he whined, frustrated. “I can’t stop it.” 

Gavin was uneasy, shifting from foot to foot. As much as he disliked Connor, he wasn’t going to leave him sat crying in the closet. 

Or he could… 

No, no, he shouldn’t. 

Gavin really can’t leave him when he looks this much like an abandoned puppy. 

“Nines just left here a bit ago.” Connor looked up, blinking through the tears. “You don’t like him though.” 

“He can make it stop!” Connor said, frustrated. “Something’s wrong with my system again, and I--” He inhaled deeper. “It hurts. It hurts so badly.” 

“Okay, okay, just get out of the damn closet.” Connor sniffled, moving so slowly that Gavin helped him by yanking him to his feet. He hurled him into a chair in the kitchen and started to power up the coffee machine. “Did you lick something weird?” He put a hand on his forehead. “You’re not overheating, just warm.” Connor huffed, a weird sound escaping his lips. “Why don’t you start with what happened before this started?” 

He should be working. 

“I was making spaghetti.” 

Gavin blinked, taking in the information. “Okay. Did you… eat some of it?” 

Connor cocked his head. “Androids can’t eat.” 

“Okay, tin can, just… go on.” 

“I was talking with Hank,” Connor stopped abruptly, hand over his chest. Oh. Gavin thinks he’s found the culprit two sentences in. “He… doesn’t want me.” His tears stopped suddenly. “He hates me. Hank hates me.” His eyes widened. “Oh, I stopped crying.” 

“I think your system just ran out of android tears,” Gavin smiled wryly. “You and the old man got in a fight?” 

“He doesn’t want me--” 

“You’re like a broken record, shut up,” Gavin interrupted. “Just stop.” Connor shut his mouth. “You’re just sad, Connor.” He perked up, listening attentively. His focus was off-putting, but Gavin continued. “You feel sad. Hank said some mean things.” 

“You say rude things all the time.” 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, eyeing him. “I do, but you don’t care what I think of you. You like Hank.” Realization dawned over Gavin. “You love him.” 

“That makes me feel worse, Detective Reed.” 

“Yeah. That’s just love, tin can.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this instead of doing my homework so pls enjoy it if u dont i sowwy

**Author's Note:**

> if u liked pls comment or kudos or whatever the fuk u want bc its the only thing that keeps me writing this shit anyways uhhh 
> 
> i dont have a beta but no criticism pls my baby heart cant take it so just dont read if u dont like it pls sir


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